I am the biggest dork in the universe, and I invite you all to make fun of me.

I found my car.

While sorting some laundry this afternoon I found my remote door lock thingy for my car, and with a sardonic smirk I stuck it in my pocket. Later, when I was on my way to the store, I thought about a remark a friend of mine had made earlier in the day, that when his car was stolen he later ended up finding it himself just a few blocks away from where it was taken, so I thought it would be interesting to press the Lock-and-Beep button on the remote as I was walking. After all, it's got about a half-block range, and it would be funny if I managed to find it that way.

When I got to the store, I walked to the door via the underground parking lot. I pressed. I heard. I did a double take, pressed again, heard the horn again. I caught a glimpse of my car, and without even going over to it, I turned around and walked back to my apartment to grab the car key that I'd taken off my key ring. I walked back, went in the store without going through the lot, and did my shopping. Despite trying to think of all possibilities, Occam's Razor tore them all to shreds except one: that I had actually driven to the store, and walked home without my car.

I immediately remembered the very first thing that Donna asked me when we found that my car was gone, which was if it was possible I drove somewhere and left my car there. Well, actually she asked me whether I got drunk and drove it somewhere and forgot about it, to which I can still answer "no", but the essence is the same.

The scant points in my defense:

1 - I never drive to the store. I actually feel guilty driving to the store as it's only about four blocks away, and I can always do with more exercise, plus the whole environment thing. The only time I ever drive to the store is when I know I'm going to be buying something really heavy, like lots of liquids, or cat litter, or something else I wouldn't want to try and carry home. I can't even remember the last time that might have been the case, though. The only other time would be when I'm coming home from somewhere and decide to stop in for something on the way, and generally I remember it when I've been driving for the last 20 minutes before going in.

2 - I actually did try to think of anywhere I might have left it, and even checked in the parking lot of my doctor's office, which was the only place I could remember driving to where it would even be a possibility that I might have taken a bus home by accident. I wracked my brain for anywhere else I might have driven, but the only times I even use my car these days is when I'm going somewhere far. I work downtown, so I take the bus there and walk home, and most of the time if I'm going out it's either also downtown or it's somewhere that it's easier to take a bus to than it is to find a place to park.

3 - Hmm. Nope, nothing.

As I was finishing my shopping, I saw that there was a buy two, get two free sale on 12-packs of canned soda, so I picked up four packs of the heavy awkward things. I also started composing this blog entry in my head, since I knew I'd have to find a way to tell everyone of my idiocy.

Come to think of it, I guess I can fill in #3 on the above list: at least I didn't bitch and moan endlessly about how my car was stolen, or feel sorry for myself. In fact, everyone I did tell remarked that they would be far more upset than I was, so at least I can't be accused of playing for pity.

I called to cancel my police report, but I just couldn't bring myself to tell the cops that I'd just left my car somewhere (though I highly doubt it would be novel for them). I told them I found it in a parking lot near my apartment. Technically true, though I did say it was roughly around Western and Denny, which is pushing the definition of "roughly". As compared to all of Seattle, then yes, it was roughly by Western and Denny. I also told them that I didn't find anything that could be seen as evidence in the car; also technically true. I don't know why I didn't just tell them I was a moron, which would have been more than technically true.

At least I've learned a few things from this embarrassing experience. First, Seattle has a really good public transportation system, though getting to certain areas is a giant pain in the ass (how on earth could it take 50 minutes to go from downtown to the U District?) Second, I can get along just fine without a car as long as I have enough time, and don't have to bring much of anything with me. Third, if you need a place to leave your car for three weeks (which include multiple events at Seattle Center and Key Arena) without anyone messing with it, feel free to use the front spots in the Safeway parking lot, a few feet from the big sign that says "NO EVENT PARKING, LOT MONITORED 24 HOURS A DAY". And fourth, that I apparently black out and drive to grocery stores sometimes, then walk home without remembering.