Spoooock!

I swear, I didn't move from my desk today except to go get work from other people's desks. Why is it that the more I have to do, the better my day is, but when I have the time to do whatever I want, I do nothing?

I'm gonna try to just focus on making enough money to pay off some of my debt, and getting myself out of the apartment more often.

Speaking of which, I finally saw the new Star Trek last night, and I'll be damned if it wasn't pretty frakking awesome. My expectations had been built up quite a bit, so I was pleasantly surprised that I wasn't disappointed. By the way, did Mark Lenard die? I was fully expecting him to show up as Sarek.

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The Horrors of The Kills

The one thing I truly hate about going to concerts in this country is the ever-present fuckheads that insist on moshing no matter what the type of music being played.

The worst example will always be the morons who were shoving people around at the Moby concert. Who the fuck tries to mosh to fucking Moby?!

Anyway, at the concert last night the same thing happened, of course, but aside from that it was a really good show. The Horrors were actually better live than The Kills, even though they were the ones I went to see.

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Locke vs. Jacob

Locke vs. Jacob
Originally uploaded by Tasty 'Shops

Going to the Lost season finale tonight at the Science Fiction Museum theater - looking forward to the main event!

Tweet!

I have to admit, Twitter is pretty addictive. I don't have to put any, you know, thought into it. Which does pretty much preclude any possobility that I might accidentally say something remotely profound, but honestly the chances of that are pretty slim anyway, so no real loss...

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I might miss Depeche Mode!

I can't hardly even believe it over here, but there is a possibility that I might not get to attend when DM play Key Arena, 5 blocks from my apartment. I just didn't have the funds for the pre-sale, and money isn't exactly pouring in. I really might prefer not to go if all I can get are shitty seats; especially since Donna's last Depeche Mode concert experience was negative, and I'd want to rectify that, not reinforce it.

On the other hand, the best concert I've ever been to was the Songs of Faith and Devotion tour, and I had terrible seats and had lost one contact lens for that one, so who knows.

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This is not an update

That subject line has to be sung in a Johnny Rotten impersonation.

I'm working again, thank Christ. There is nothing worse for me than having infinite free time. I used to say that if I had one wish, it would be to have infinite time, so I could experience all of the things that I want to, and not have to worry about missing one opportunity for another. As it turns out, I'm so bad at taking advantage of the opportunities I'm already presented with that the best thing for me - at least for now - is simply to focus on remaining actively involved in my own life.

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Communique

I'm at the library (www.spl.org) because for the time being, I have no internet connection at home. Hopefully, that will change, but I don't know when.

Also, I've decided to migrate my old journal entries from diaryland to here, so I hope LJ doesn't shut down after I go through the trouble :P

Oh, and Ravie is in the process of saving me from homelessness, so I must at least somewhat publicly announce her awesomeness and my undying affection for her. Round of applause, please.

An innocuous post

I finally got my replacement headphone amp from PenguinAmp.com.
I've been wanting to get a portable amp for about ten years (seriously), so I was quite disappointed when the first one I got had a faulty ground circuit and I had to send it back. I had cued up The Knife, set up all the necessary cables and extensions to enjoy the increased signal strength in comfort, and NOTHING. Qu'elle dissapointing!

Anyway, I am now extremely pleased! One of the reasons I picked the headphones that I did was because they supposedly work well without an amplifier, as opposed to many high-end sets that pretty much require one, but as it turns out they work much better with one. Well, the Sony MDR-V6s do; I haven't tried my Grado SR-80s yet, but I've heard that they benefit even more from the additional power.

So...

So oddly enough, I can't seem to get drunk. I've never had liquor before in my life, and have only had a drink a couple of times; despite this fact, after having a "Pear Sidecar", an ameretto sour, a whisky and Coke, a few sips of Donna's bourbon and Diet Coke and whisky and Diet Coke, and three bottles of beer, I am still not drunk. I can certainly feel the affects, and I'm a bit dizzy, but I'm not slurring my words, I can still walk a straight line, and I'm very far from having any trouble with manual dexterity.

C'est la vie. :)

I can't see a thing through my ambitions

There's nothing stopping me because there's nothing left

My inner child is a cute little dead girl

Originally uploaded by morganmcalister

There are few things that just automatically make me feel better.

Happily, there's Lenore.

movement

I know exactly – exactly – what I need to do in order to achieve what I want to achieve, and to make my life look the way I want it to look. This is not a new phenomenon. I have never had any difficulty in planning, conceptualizing, or visualizing what I want from life. My problem, as always, is in actually executing said plans. Just yesterday I realized that I was living in the same manner as I have when I was waiting for some given set of circumstances to arrive, but that at the moment, there isn't anything that I'm waiting for. So, in essence, I'm just kind of... paused. That's not a place that I want to be. I'm cognizant of the fact that I feel an unhealthy level of comfort in chaos; in its familiarity, and in the way that it alleviates me from having to actually deal with a lot of my work. But even objectively, I really believe that chaos in the pursuit of a goal is far more admirable than stagnation. Especially when it's not even a comfortable situation. Being sessile is understandable, and perhaps even appropriate in many situations; I'm not one to buy into the puritanical work-ethic and fear of uselessness inherent to American culture. I think that leading a contemplative life should be judged on its own merit – if it's a fulfilling existence for the individual in question, then so be it; maybe he'll write the next Walden.

But I also know that I'm not there yet – not by a long shot. The one thing which I can really claim as progress in terms of my broader lifetime goals is that I've managed to refine them pretty effectively. I know now, more adroitly then ever before, just what it is that I'm missing. That's really not much of an accolade. There are at least a dozen things that would make my goals more tenable; stable employment would allow me to budget and plan things much more effectively; it would also afford me health insurance, which would not only allow me to have my inguinal surgery, but would probably let me continue seeing a counselor; increased experience in my field (whatever that may be) would make future employment more accessible, which would mean that I could more seriously pursue my educational goals.

Wow, looking over that last paragraph, it seems like the key to a lot of this shit is to get a decent job. That really shouldn't shock me, but I suppose I had assumed that a list of ways to circumvent the obstacles to my happiness would be more varied than “get a fuckin' job”.

 

Maybe I should work on getting a fuckin' job.

Aphorisms

My mom sent me an email this morning that had a nice, well written little essay by a man reflecting on his father's perspectives on life, and on his parents' relationship, etc.  It was fine, and it wasn't overloaded with trite affirmations and treacle sweet platitudes like most "positive message" emails are.  There was a bit of a cute story about how after reading that old drivers most often get into accidents while turning left, that his parents decided to only take rights from then on; three rights being the safe version of a left.

"You're kidding!"  I said, and I turned to my mother for support "No,"
she said, "your father is right.  We make three rights.  It works."  But
then she added: "Except when your father loses count."

I was driving at the time, and I almost drove off the road as I started
laughing.

"Loses count?"  I asked.

"Yes," my father admitted, "that sometimes happens.  But it's not a
problem.  You just make seven rights, and you're okay again."

I couldn't resist.  "Do you ever go for 11?"  I asked.

"No," he said "If we miss it at seven, we just come home and call it a
bad day.  Besides, nothing in life is so important it can't be put off
another day or another week."

Yes, all very cute.  It occurred to me, though, that the problem with pithy wisdom is that it only works in a bubble.  I truly believe in the truth of the above admonition against thinking of everything as being earth-shatteringly important.  I also believe that the whole "seize the day", "stop and smell the roses" and "take life as it comes" things are true, but as a set they're mutually exclusive.

At the end of the day, it seems like choosing which platitude to follow in any given situation is, unfortunately, pretty much the same as making the decision in the first place.

So I guess what I mean is: "Always take the time you need to choose the aphorism that's right for you"

Fun memories, with for which to feel better

Bree: "I've tried every green tea in the store, and it's never as good as it is at Chinese restaurants. I give up!"
Morgan: "Um, sweet bee, that's Oolong tea."
Bree: "NUH-UH. DAMMIT!"

Words/Phrases I Hate, vol. 3

I actually do have shit to say, but this is easier.

Today's "Words/Phrases I hate" is a little less obvious:

Never have regrets

First of all, I recognize that there is value to this statement.  There are ways to use this phrase and have it be a very worthwhile admonition.

HOWEVER! Most of the time (like, the vast majority of the time) I find that people who say this aren't actually motivated by their ostensible reverence for the inevitability and value of experience; they're motivated by a thinly veiled dread of accountability and introspection.  It's far easier to say that you have no regrets than it is to actually go through the work of a penetrating self-analysis.

So I guess I'm saying that if the person in question actually has taken the time to really understand what that phrase means, then it can be a very powerful statement.

But usually it's crap.  :)

Words/Phrases I Hate, vol. 2

So! For today's "Words/phrases I Hate" entry:

Disenfranchise

I hate this word because it's one of those mass-media buzzwords that's overused to a ridiculous degree. Apparently everyone in the country is constantly in danger of being disenfranchised, or has been disenfranchised, etc.

"The post office had a one-day delay because half of the midwest was buried in fourteen feet of snow. Those fuckers are disenfranchising an entire population of hard-working, honest, voting citizens!"

I think that word should be saved for situations like:
 

"You're Scandinavian, so your pale ass can't vote anymore."

THAT'S disenfranchising.

*sigh*
Here I am with all this poetry in my soul, and no access to it.  I have to console myself by degrading the ineptitude of others, which isn't anywhere near as satisfying.  Although, to be fair, the mass-media not only deserve every bit of derision they get, they deserve far more.
 

 

Words/Phrases I Hate, vol. 1

I'm usually just totally crap at writing journal entries (or email, or replying to messages on Facebook or MySpace, or sending letters...), but the other day I realized that I had a whole bunch of shit just begging for this kind of format: the random rants and bloviations that I tend to get into when I'm on Google Talk!  Hence, therefore and to wit, I am copying and pasting, both for any potential enjoyment someone may derive from such diatribes/vitriol/panegyrics/tripe and for my own feeling of accomplishment.  And while posting an LJ entry may seem an odd thing from which to derive a sense of accomplishment, for someone like me who has such a hard time engaging with life at times, it's actually kind of a big deal.

And so, the first installment of: Words and Phrases I Hate, by Morgan Williams.

Proactive
 
I hate this word because if you're in the business world in any capacity, you hear it seven-hundred-thousand times a day, and it wasn't even a word until fairly recently.  I've decided that every time i hear that word, I'm gonna slip the phrase "put forth preemptive effort" into the conversation.  Every time.  Eventually it'll become the new "proactive", and will spread across the land like the dark shadow of Mordor.  And because corporate types so love their corp-speak, wherein "convoluted" and "unintelligible" are greatly prized qualities, the fact that it's a much longer and more unwieldy will actually make it more likely to catch on.

Stay tuned!

My default entry, for future use

Right, so I needed to post a first entry, or else this isn't really a journal, is it?

I'm at work; I'm distracted; I'm kinda sad; I'm listening to pretty good music that is helping me through my day, but it too is making me kinda sad; I miss people; I'm hopeful, yet apprehensive; I feel somewhat overwhelmed; I'm ready to get over my shit and really do some serious living; I'm looking forward to a concert.

Okay, now any time that I don't actually post anything just take the last paragraph, change the location of the third word, and randomly insert things like "angry", "horny" and/or "feeling sexually deviant", "tired", "contemplative", and occasionally "amped up" or "explosive", and you'll probably know exactly how I'm feeling!